Friday, March 29

Start Hoarding Now!

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Evidently capitalism is failing.

Well, it was a good run while it lasted. I suppose I should go sell all those stocks and start hoarding gold bullion and Twinkies for the long, dark road ahead. I wonder which system will take good old capitalism’s place?

Wait… Who said capitalism is failing? The (puppet) leader of a theocracy? The man who presides over the world’s 29th largest economy?

Better put a hold on those Twinkies.

An artist's rendering of Mahmoud Ahmadinejad. Hopefully the illustrator will not be stoned to death.

An artist's rendering of Mahmoud Ahmadinejad. Hopefully the illustrator will not be stoned to death

Sorry folks. It appears I was working with bad information. Apparently it was Mahmoud Ahmadinejad who heralded the demise of the world’s economic systems and not someone who is, you know, qualified to form a cogent thought on the concept of capitalism. You know, the “white people with blue eyes.”

This isn’t the first time the illustrious President of Iran has misled us bewildered, capitalism-stricken foreign devils. According to the Ayatollah’s favorite mouthpiece, evidently the majority of Americans believe 9/11 was an inside job. Thank goodness that the President of Iran has read the latest issue of Fortean Times. While our president’s mild response to Ahmadinejad’s disturbing lies shows how thoroughly his administration has underestimated the lunacy of the Iranian leadership, it isn’t like we didn’t already know Mahmoud was a few sandwiches short of a picnic. This is the same man who has claimed the Holocaust never happened (so where did those millions of Jews, Poles, Slavs, Gypsies, etc. go?). Also, Iran evidently has no gay people and stoning doesn’t exist in that enlightened country.

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5 Comments

  1. mahmoud imadinnerjacket please on

    with capitalism failing i am going to try and corner the market on those ‘bellhop’ dictator outfits that the likes of kim jong ill, hugo and others like to sport.

    surely they will be in short supply as the more of the world turns from the ‘failing’ capitalism and/or psuedo capitalism model to authoritarian regimes.

    really powell that was your lowest moment and not last week when all on your own you colin powell described illegal immigrants as being ‘all over your house’ sort of like one would describe a termite or cochroach infestation!

    or what about when as the fake rino republican you are you endorsed barack obama.

    actually colin powell i am pretty sure you will say anything to ensure that your $100,000 per speech career continues.

    i dont know who on earth would pay you this to speak as you routinely sound like a dolt on tv. militarily i am sure you were at the top of the heap but politically / domestically you know little if anything. i await your next blunder.

    and regardless of the silly wmd (there were wmds in iraq!) argument a mass murderer (saddam hussien for those who already forgot)was removed necessarily from power and a region was stablilized (until mahmoud imadinnerjacket attempts to liquidate israel!) and freedom and democracy brought to millions of people – something waving the peace sign and being kindler and gentler has never brought to any people!

    thank you to the US military who ought to get nobel peace prize – as this entity in the last 230+ years has brought more peace and more freedom to more people than anything or anyone in the entire history of the world!

  2. reason #991 the US should leave the UN #902 is the UN giving crazies like mahmoud a platform for their insane rants on

    the un in there infinite wisdom has a planned coordinated response for when extreterrestial life makes contact with earth…

    thats right the un which is subsidized by the US to the tune of $1 billion dollars or more per year has someone on the payroll who is right now sitting in an office patiently awaiting contact of life from other planets.

    amazing the un cant agree on pretty much anything and their resolutions are never binding but they can agree that this astro physcist is the one person who will greet life from other planets. thank God we have that covered… whew!

    • Pakistan, A Nuclear Proliferator, Will Chair U.N. Nuclear Watchdog Agency
      Pakistan has held the post of IAEA board chairman before, but that was more than a decade before its widely-condemned nuclear bomb tests in 1998.